We hear individuals state that it can be hazardous to assist a victim of domestic abuse. You see, what frequently takes place to individuals that pertain to the rescue of a domestic violence victim is that they enter the rage of the wrongdoer.
When it is your own flesh and blood, the factor to consider to blow the whistle, or not, is typically changed with a knee-jerk reaction. This reflexive knee-jerk action is the equivalent of pulling your loved one out from under the bus.
It will be a brave procedure when you do, but with the splendor of your rescue … be gotten ready for the opposite of this double edge sword.
You Become the Problem
Protective moms and dads in divorce and custody disagreements know these characteristics like the back of their hand. They speak up to authorities to assist their mistreated kids in getting defense from child abuse, then they find themselves being penalized for blowing the whistle and shining the light.
The wrongdoer will rapidly look for to make the protective parent “the issue.” And before you know it, this parent is on the defensive … and threatened with losing contact with the mistreated child they looked for to secure.
They can be implicated of making incorrect reports to the child protective services. Or, they might be met petitions looking for custody of the very kids they want to safeguard. They are faced with having to protect themselves versus allegations produced to reject them and, of course, protect the wrongdoer from additional examination.
None of this ought to avoid you from defending your kids. It needs to just notify you to that you will wish to continue mindfully so that you safeguard both your kids and yourself.
The Victim Becomes Polarized
The other measurement to this double edge sword is the direct effect to the victim. Of all, the criminal rapidly dives in with mental adjustments to guarantee that the victim stays under their control.
They might be informed that the protective parent’s actions (whistle blowing efforts) are planned to disrupt the child’s relationship with the angering parent. Or, they can be controlled into thinking that the action of the protective parent was meant to “harm” the violent parent.
While the child understands on a much deeper level the abuse they withstood that caused the protective parent’s outreach, they likewise know that their daily survival needs their embracing the beliefs of the violent parent. Herein lies the polarization of the susceptible mistreated child.
As they embrace the message of the violent parent and actively connect with the protective parent from this vantage pointthey experience the polarization much more exceptionally. They can show stress and anxiety with the protective parent and grow to fear the very parent that safeguarded them.
In severe cases, I have seen these kids recoil from consuming food prepared by the protective parent … all while acting as though this “feared” parent is their mental parent. More typical is the screen of anger and bitterness that reveals the voice of the violent parent. It is as though you can see the basis for a mental fracture establishing in these kids through the polarization.
Blow the Whistle Anyway
While it holds true that shining the light on domestic abuse and being a voice for the mistreated can include dispute, this does not indicate you ought to take part in belonging to the guard of silence around it.
Silence is the social system that keeps domestic violence, whereas rejection is the mental system that keeps it going. Appropriately, breaking the silence is main to breaking the cycle.
As a protective parent over a years earlier, I experienced this issue. It took years for me to understand exactly what was going on and the characteristics in play after I connected on behalf of my kids. For us, my kids have aged out of the system and our natural caring bond rules our relationship, rather than the previous inefficient polarized characteristics.